Diary of a Mad Mother

MAD - –adjective

1. mentally disturbed; deranged; insane; demented.

2. enraged; greatly provoked or irritated; angry.

 

As of last Friday, I fit - to a T - both #1 and #2 of the definition of mad. We've been in a difficult 2 yr old stage with Jacob. His latest "trick" is pushing Kaylen over. It matters not if she is sitting on hardwood or tile, carpet or concrete. I have heard her poor baby head thud on the ground more times than I care to think about. He has also added a new word to his vocabulary, "Why?".  He is still in this almost year-long hitting stage...it all adds up to make a mentally exhausted mother. From the time I set the kids down to play after eating breakfast, all I hear is Kaylen crying because Jacob is pushing, poking, hitting, taking toys, sitting on and generally driving her crazy.

 

Day after day of this wears me down to a very thin, taut thread. A tightly wound spring waiting to be sprung. A mad, mad lady. Friday, in my dementia, I thought a change of scenery would help. So we packed up and went to the library. Oh, yes. You can laugh. It's fine. I laughed too, when we left after being there for about 1.5 minutes. We were there only long enough to get the stank eye from the library lady and to use their bathroom (a surprisingly spacious 3 stall ladies room in the tiny Loganville library!). I don't know what I was thinking. Instead of the cozy little book nook reading time I had pictured, it looked more like George of the Jungle goes to the library. Such stomping! Such running! Such shushing from one very embarrassed mother. And then the trip to the bathroom- picture with me- holding Jacob on the potty, Kaylen laying across my lap kicking and screaming and nearly knocking us both over, trying not to touch anything....that was it. I was done. 

 

A little later, after Jacob got up from his short nap, I changed him out of his pull-up and asked him to go throw it away. "NO" he said, with a saucy tilt to the head and a defiant curl to the lip as he turned his back on me and walked away. Boing yoing yoing. And so went the spring. It sprung. I balled up his pull-up and beaned him in the back with it!  

 

For about .5 seconds I felt better. Then I laughed partly at the humor of the situation and partly to keep from crying, I mean, who is the child and who is the parent here? Is this how you want to teach your son to handle anger? Did you really throw your two year old's diaper at him? Are you a two year old too?

 

I know I'm not the only mother out there who has reached their limit in a day when their behavior is as infantile as their offspring's is. Right? Tap, tap, is this thing on?

 

I resolve : I will do better. I will be the adult. I will step away if I am too angry to react immediately. I will remember he is 2 1/2. He's still a baby in so many ways. I will stop putting pressure on him to be older than he is. I will stop expecting him to know right from wrong, when I am almost 29 and still can't get it right! I will look for his heart in the behavior and attempt to see what the issue truly is. I will love him with my whole heart and strive to lead a life that will point him to repentance at the Cross.

 

Many people have told me I will miss these days one day. I know they are right. If I didn't think so, I definitely would not have documented this moment in time when my 2 year old was older than I. But more than a "funny" little reminder of this frustrating time of learning with my little boy, this is meant to encourage you, that all mothers get a little mad at one time or another, it's just all in how you handle it!

 

Ps. I never saw Jacob's face after I hit him squarely between his shoulder blades, I can imagine the shocked expression on his angel face, though. I was a coward and went into his room to make his bed. But when I came back out of his room, the pull-up was nicely deposited in the trash can. Ha! I guess he figured he better not antagonize the crazy lady anymore.