The Spoken Word

In a household of the self-employed, there are a few certaintees: you will either have work or you won't, you will most likely always be the last one paid, and you never get to just go to work do your time and go home. Your home, eating, breathing, sleeping, working all intermingle to become a multi-lane highway called life.

The other certaintees are that the government takes an unfare share of your paycheck, health insurance is astronomically expensive and you will always, despite the pressures, always love being your own boss.

Though I wouldn't consider myself a worrier, I do my fair share of hand wringing over the financial aspect of owning your own business in a bad economy, of living off a single income, and of living off a single income that is provided by means of the construction industry. It's tough out there, friends.

In the midst of my blissful life at home where my teensy daughter is now saying "uh-oh" and "ja-co" and "da-da" (I only get to hear "mama" when she is in tears. Not fair, huh.) I have been playing mother bird to another tiny life. Not a human baby, but a new fledgling little company. A tiny baby bird just hatched from it's nest. I have thought about this baby company a lot and I've fed it alot- unfortunately it really likes dollar bills for it's breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a scary thing to hatch a plan, invest money into it and not know if it will fly when it leaves the nest or fall to the ground unable to rise.

This morning as I was putting on my Sunday face (that would be makeup. now that I don't work a 9-5, there are days when I don't wear a drop at all! Ok, maybe a little mascara or else my eyes look bald. But thats about it.) as plainly as King Belshazzar saw the hand writing on the wall (see Daniel chapter 5 for more info) , God spoke to me so distinctly and clearly that I knew it could only be Him. I could even sense the inflection, the tone, the lovingly frustrated sound of a Father speaking to His daughter. He said, "Jenny, (wow, He knows my name!) you are not the provider, I AM."

What a relief! Oh the pressure that relieves! I have known and have believed this my whole life, but sometimes I find myself straining to figure out how will this get paid or what if we can't collect from Customer A in time to pay Vendor B. And God has always provided. It's not Tony going out and getting work, it's God sending us the work that we need. Tony is just doing what he is called to do, to the Glory of God. God is always the provider. And this can apply to my baby bird. It's not my job to provide, it's only my job to do my best to the Glory of God. It's only my job to be obedient. It's only my job to listen to God's words, spoken or not.

It's a humbling thing to be singled out by your Heavenly Father. To have him gently set you in the corner for a time out because you weren't obeying and trusting in Him. But it's so very good to know that I can carry every thing to Him and leave it in His capable hands. "Jenny, you are not the provider, I AM."


Note: My tiny baby bird is just taking it's first toddling steps to peer over the edge of the nest to see whats on the other side of it's safe place. Mother bird is going to let it grow and develop just a bit more before she lets her little baby stretch out it's soft baby wings and let it try to soar into the great, wide sky. For those who are curious, it won't be long before Mama bird sends out the birdy for it's test flight. Stay tuned.