Five

The moment Jacob was first laid in my arms, I felt relieved. Relieved that he was cute, but nothing more. I felt a strange sense of detachment, and though I smiled for the pictures and looked lovingly at my son, it didn't come from my heart. In those immediate first two weeks at home, I struggled to adjust. For several hard days I wished I could go back in time and just be pregnant again, or go back to work and go back to "normal". And then, something happened. I fell in love. I could not stop the tears that would roll down my cheeks, nor stem the waves of love that poured over me. Throbbing like a heartbeat, my soul pulsed with this new love. 

And it's been like that ever since. Five years of the happiest moments a mother could have. Five years of wonder that I get to be the mother to this precious boy. Five years of utter gratitude to my Lord for providing me with a hardworking husband willing to work long hours so that I can be home. Five years of celebration. 

I love to think that God hand picked me to be Jacob's mom. That I'm the one best suited to be his mother. That no one else would be quite as good as me. That makes me smile. Because He made a really spectacular little man for me, and that tells me that He must think I'm pretty special too.