So Big

Part of me wishes that the newborn stage lasted just a little longer. You really only get about three weeks where they are a sleepy, curled up bundle. After that they begin to become more alert, start stretching their legs and after that things go so fast you suddenly wake up and that bundle has become a chubby six month old baby. Almost sitting up, drooling like crazy, rolling around, playing with toys, interacting with her siblings, Marlee is a joy to be around. But still, as the dark descends and those sleepy eyes begin to close, my angel only wants one thing- my arms around her.

I love the feel of Marlee in my arms. The weight of her resting in my arms, filling them with her wonderful little self. At night we rock together, back and forth, and some nights I feel as though I want to sit there just like that all night long. Holding her, feeling her, etching these moments in my heart. 

It is hard to put your kids down, at first mostly because you fear for their life if a big brother or sister get too close, but also because these moments are precious and it won't be long before they want to walk on their own. Yesterday in the grocery store I had Marlee strapped in the Bjorn, Kaylen in the front seat and Jacob standing on the back as a passenger. By the time I was done shopping I was ready to pass out from the weight of Marlee in her carrier on my shoulders and my back was about to snap in two. I felt panicky at the thought of how I will grocery shop from now on since I simply can't keep wearing Marlee. I concluded, night time shopping. Otherwise Kaylen would have to shift to the back of the buggy and that could be bad on so many levels- too close to Jacob, too close to the food, too far from me etc. 

The weight of a child, almost 16 pounds for Marlee now, is even heavier for me on a spiritual level. All my children are burdens on my heart that they will grow up to love right and hate wrong. That they will keep their feet on a path that leads to righteousness. That they will grow up to be men and women who love God. That they too will become followers of Christ, their repentant hearts filled with the joy of the Lord, their sins covered by the blood of the Lamb. The fact is, as much as we want these things for our kids, we can't make it happen. We can't carry them to heaven with us. 

Our job isn't to do that anyway. Nope, that's God's work, and He's an expert at what He does. All we can do, day after day, is drop little seeds in the furrows of their hearts. Every day sewing seeds, watering them and giving them an environment in which to thrive. Only the Son can bring about the growth, maturity and eventual harvest. 

As I heard a speaker say recently, "It's your job to wire the house, it's God's job to turn on the lights." 

Carry your babies, hold them closely, make your home a green house for growth. And let the Gardener tend His little plants, He wants them to grow too.