Missionary Mother

It's Mother's Day and Marlee's one month birthday eve. This month has been both long and short with both highs and lows. It's been happy, sad, frustrating, rewarding, funny, and a whole dictionary full of adjectives. My poor kids probably feel like they've been on a roller coaster ride these past few weeks. Truthfully, they have been. They've been passengers on my emotional roller coaster whether they wanted to or not. It's been a wild ride, if not always fun. Sorry guys.

There have been moments when I nearly burst with the fullness my heart feels, there have been moments when I wanted to put my fist through a wall (just being transparent here, folks) and there have been moments when I cried because my kids are growing so fast, too fast for me to keep up.

Still other moments I've been laughing- just the other morning Jacob told Kaylen who was crying loudly to "shut down" which was just plain funny (don't worry, I didn't tell him it's actually shut UP and I did tell him not to talk to his sister that way and I did tell Kaylen to shut down. Err...to go to her room and cry.) I've been frustrated as I find every room a complete distaster and even if I pick things up, every day one by one each room gets torn up once again. I've been disappointed. It is disappointing to find that Marlee hates to be dressed like her older sister and poos all over me and the matching outfit I dress her in. I've felt overwhelmed with keeping up with each little person in my household. Truly, one of them and sometimes more than one needs something from me nearly every hour of the day and night.

It's hard too keep up with a house, three small, needy (in a good way, of course) children, a husband, myself, bills, laundry, groceries, meals without letting something become neglected. Inevitably something does get pushed off and thankfully, so far, it's only been the laundry. Well, and the cleaning. Ok, and some of the cooking.

Harder still is the lesson I've been learning in selflessness. With your first child, you give a lot up, but still have a good bit of time to do your own thing. With the second child you give up a lot more, but still have a little bit left for you. With the third, you are consumed. There is nothing left. I've found myself clutching onto my own will and desires as if I'm a drowning victim, but the truth is, holding onto what I want is not going to work. Unlesss I want to go to bed each night feeling dissatisfied with my position as wife and mother and caretaker in our home. Unless I want my children to go to bed each night feeling a little bit like they didn't get enough hugs, or kisses or time. Unless I want my husband to go to bed each night feeling like he's been abandoned, left for the greener pastures of self interest. -*

I tried to find the blog I read recently which said that serving our children was like a fragrant offering to God. I've been thinking about the phrase "fragrant offering" every since I read the article. The fact is, a lot of this past month while I've been serving my children, it certainly couldn't be called a fragrant offering to God because frankly, my attitude stunk. I was thinking about everything I really wanted to be doing, or wondering why I have to do everything- and really, I don't have to do everything, I just do everything because I refuse to admit I can't do everything. Pretty stupid, really. - or just being ugly because I felt I had justication because I "just had a baby and am sleep deprived". Not so. Every day as I serve my children and my husband, I am also serving the King. Do I really want to serve Him a stinking pile of rotten attitude, or do I want to serve Him my best because He also gave me His best? And I didn't even deserve it.

And now, I must go. Naps are ending, Jacob is dying for some of my attention- which he certainly has now that I just discovered he was "washing" a clean cup and used nearly half a bottle of Dawn dishwashing soap up in the process. How I am going to get all those suds out of that cup and sink? I shall have to look on Pinterest...oh wait.

But seriously, I want to pour into my children the love and attention and best that I have and in turn, offer myself as a fragrant offering to my Savior. It's like being a missionary in my own home.