Fish on a Fork

Fish sticks for supper. My version is actually panko crusted tilapia with a fantastic dipping sauce. It's good, good for you and my kids love it. Supper should have been a piece of cake. But it wasn't. Not only was I feeding my hungry baby birds all by myself since Tony had to work late, but I also had to deal with Kaylen. Sassy pants has a hot pink independent streak...and I don't know what to do about it. Lately, it rears its ugly face at meal times when Kaylen wants to feed herself, while mother wants to help her out. When I can, I am more than happy to hand over her fork and let her do it herself. Believe me, I'd rather be feeding myself. However, there are certain consistancies that she needs help with like it or not. NOT is what she would say in a loud, screaming wail complete with flailing arms.

The panko crusted tilapia was cooked perfectly tonight- moist, flaky, crunchy on the outside. It was really good. But it did not work well with a fork and would crumble into pieces if not handled by someone who's had some experience with a fork. In this instance, that would be me, Kaylen. Your mother. Baby girl raged. She flailed. She turned red. She refused to eat. So I put down her fork and picked up mine, and then, of course, Kaylen was ready for a bite. So I tried a compromise. I arranged the bite on her fork and handed it to her. Well, Miss Thang, in her desire to prove me wrong pulled the fork so quickly from my hand that the fish splatted on the floor. I did not yell at her. I yelled at the floor. Then I picked up the splatted fish and made her eat it. This went on for about 10 more minutes until the fish was gone and I was worn slap out. This had nothing to do with the food and everything to do with control.

In some ways Kaylen and I are alot alike. We both think we always know whats best. But, as I am trying to teach Kaylen, she is just a little kid and she really doesn't know whats best for her. If she had her way, she would run around naked all day, playing with all of Jacob's toys while he has to sit and watch her and eating fruit, cookies and drinking  thick chocolate milk. All day. And holding her blankie. Well, thats not best for her. What's best is clothing for starters, in particular a diaper- don't hate, Kaylen, you know it's true.

So many times I have thought I knew what was best. I would even orchestrate my prayers to reflect what I wanted to happen, and when God didn't answer in the way I thought He should, I would cry and rage and flail my arms. Time after time, I would try to be in charge and manage my life and time after time, the pieces of my life would splat on the floor. Too inexperienced, too young, too imperfect to know what's best for me.

Like a little child, sometimes I stubbornly hold onto the fork telling God I know whats best. Wisely, lovingly, and with a knowing twinkle in His eye, He tells me, "No you don't". And then He gives me something even better.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11