Exercise is Good for the Soul

It seems as though I am most likely to lose my patience with my kids when I am doing something nice for someone else. As was the case tonight. I was trying to mix up a new recipe of donut muffins to take to the kid's Sunday school teachers in the morning when my bundle of energy two year old started flinging papers off the kitchen counter. This is in addition to enduring Kaylen's screams everytime Jacob walked near one of her toys and Jacob running over her fingers with her riding horsey [I'm pretty sure it was on purpose, but didn't have the proper evidence to convict]. The nerves were already wearing a little thin. The cloud of papers I got hit with just had terrible timing. I lost my cool and I shouted at Jacob. Everytime I do that, I hate myself. I so do not want to be that mother that yells.

As much as I hate shouting, it always works. Kids snap to attention, all crying and noise making ceases, nobody moves a muscle. It's the shocked, hurt look in their eyes that gets me, though. Even worse than that is when Jacob does what I call the "backpedal apology" where he repeats over and over again, "I'm sorry, mommy." It's like a knife in my heart. Yes, the behavior was out of control, but the anxious apology, the hurry to make things better, the disturbance my own behavior causes in their little world is way out of line.

It got worse when Tony came in the door a few minutes later and Jacob told him, "Mommy screamed at me." I love how kids cut to the chase and never water things down. I winced when he used the word "screamed" because it represents how it felt to him. Great, I'm a screaming mother. Immediately after I shouted, I was on my knees on the floor looking my sweet boy in the eyes and apologizing. We made things right, shared a hug and kiss and I went back to the muffins while he went back to...being a windstorm in the kitchen....minus the papers.

It's a daily exercise in patience to raise children. Today, I think I pulled a hamstring.

She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction].

 Proverbs 31:26