Brave

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. At all. As a first time parent, it's all about doing it all right all the time. Which is, by the way, impossible. That baby will still get upset, the outfit will get pooped on, and at some point you will be caught out without a diaper when you need one badly. 

Then it's about the tremendous leaps your heart takes as your toddler takes a tumble into hearth bricks, or out an open (first floor) window. This happened to us. Or when you walk away from them on the changing table and they fall off. This also happened to us. Or when you catch them playing in the toilet. Two of them whose names start with K and M did this just the other day. Honestly, I'd rather them fall out an open window. 

There are also the difficult separation issues. At first it's leaving them for an hour and it feels like forever, then it's overnight, a long and agonizing night filled with tossing and turning and bad dreams...for mommy. Baby is fine. Mommy's take note: step away from the baby. It's a good thing. 

Then those heartstrings take another wrench when your baby turns one. Oh, that first birthday. The planning and preparing. The searching pinterest for the best decorating ideas and the cutest themes. The house scouring, yard working, cake planning, accessorizing, matchy-matching that goes on. And then, the party is over. Just like that the smash cake is smashed, the presents are opened and the tissue paper and boxes played with (oh the irony), and the guests go home. Then mommy cries a little cry because in those few hours of the party, baby has grown up. 

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. For every delightful first, there are as many - or more- dreadful lasts.  I remember when I realized that Jacob had outgrown onesies FOREVER. I was shocked. You can not buy 3T onesies, who even thinks about that when they are pregnant with their first? Not me. Or this year when I potty trained Kaylen, I realized that she was done FOREVER with footy pajamas. Midnight trips to the potty with a little girl in footy pajamas take far too long for this sleepy mama. I do not wake up pretty, I need my beauty sleep. 

I find each of these milestones bring me happiness twined with a thread of sorrow. A happy heartbeat, with an occasional painful throb.  

My children are as much a part of me as the marvelous interworking of my body. I feel their joy, sorrow and pain as keenly as my own. Those words in Deuteronomy, "Be strong and courageous" really speak to me, because to survive raising children this must be your motto. Be strong and courageous to discipline, to love them, to let them learn, to make mistakes, to experience heartbreak, to learn the hard way. To let them go. And the good news is, that although you may shrink from that task, and your heart may hurt along the way, you can remember the other end of that verse, "for the Lord your God goes with you, He won't ever leave you for forsake you." 

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Be strong and courageous.