Beautiful

If you would have chanced upon us at Home Depot today, you would have seen quite a sight. Me, trying to read paint can labels to find what I needed, Jacob running up and down the paint isle, Marlee moaning softly in the Bjorn because she just wanted to be in her bed and Kaylen attempting to climb from the back of the buggy to the front. We were a mess. It wasn't fun and I was tempted to strap Jacob to a 5 gallon bucket of paint and add him to the sale flyer. But I didn't. But I thought about it.

A stern one-sided discussion about how we do not behave in stores and how we do took us from Home Depot to Kroger. I warned, Jacob yes ma'amed and when we got there, I gave him a pop quiz to make sure he remembered our talk. Lately, he is a ten-second Tom- forgets everything as soon as he hears it.

Kroger went much better, mostly because of the lecture I'm sure. But it could also have been because I let the kids get a cookie from the bakery, a rare treat reserved for the times when mama just wants to get through the next 20 minutes as quickly and easily as possible.

We were in the store for about 20 minutes and on my way out, a store employee told me, "If I had your life, I'd probably kill myself." He was an older man and his prickly beard curved in a smile, but I'm afraid I did not get the joke. We just kept on going.

A simple, stupid statement made quite an impact on me. I went from anger to disgust, from hurt to horror and ended up feeling sorrow. Obviously this man's life is devoid of loving a child and being loved by one, for if he experienced this beautiful relationship, he'd never have said such an ignorant, hateful thing.

Sadly, I'm afraid his mindset is one that many share. Motherhood is seen as a task, a chore, a Plan B if a better job doesn't present itself first. Children are seen as burdensome, irksome creatures who interfere with life. If this weren't the case, we wouldn't be killing unborn children at a horrific rate.

A poor choice of words to depict a life that was designed by a mighty Creator and lovingly fashioned from tip top to toe tip. I've spent a lot of time looking at Marlee's thumb. It's so small and cute, and I am completely fascinated and awed by the engineering marvel that it is. Each joint, so small but so important, it bends and moves with ease and fluidity only a master craftsman could achieve.

It angers me to hear someone speak so callously about children, when there is so much heartbreak all around me of families who spend life savings just for the chance to hold their own children in their arms. I cry thinking of the dear people I know and even ones I don't, who may never bear their own children. It's a pain I can't understand but that I wouldn't presume to speak so harshly when God has so richly blessed me with the miracle of children.

It's upsetting to speak so flippantly about life, even when you are joking when I have so recently come from the graveside of a beloved mother and wife and grandmother, who wanted only to live and to hold her children and grandchildren. And as I prepare to bury my own sweet grandmother on Thursday, a long life celebrated. Both lives, long and short were so precious.

Children are a blessing from the Lord. I might look frazzled and upset on the outside sometimes, but still deep in my core I'm shining because this life is beautiful. Kaylen pooped in Home Depot, Jacob ran into 14 people while disobediently running up and down the aisle and Marlee spit up all over me. And it was beautiful.

Jacob puked on a mattress to the point it had to be thrown away, Kaylen is an emotional, strong willed stubborn little doll, and Marlee gets me up in the middle of the night and is teething at three months. And it's beautiful.

I'm so glad I get to live my life just the way it is. At the end of the day, I get it close it up with sweet, smacking kisses from my loved ones, with hugs and tickles and wiggles. With loving and being loved by my children. And it's beautiful.